i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize
