How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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