I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
