We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
