I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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