He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
