For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
