i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The adults are the big ones right?
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