someone get that fucking seahorse.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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