this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
this boner is exhausting
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
