he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
