Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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