The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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