I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
