im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
