I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
organizing the empties. That sober.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
