You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize