Please, let me fuck your mom
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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