nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
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