It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
