The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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