need another drink. this is the easiest way
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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