I just saw a hot homeless man
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
