he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
