My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
