whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
