anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
