the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
