Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
