So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
