i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
