I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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