I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
