I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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