I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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