My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
