if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
