Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize