Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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