which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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