I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
