we have pet lesbian snakes
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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