Please, let me fuck your mom
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
