this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
