Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
