what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
