So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
