I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
