Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
