We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
