2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
