What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
