Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
