i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize