And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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