i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
