Grow some girl-balls and come out already
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
