I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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